The Ground Beneath Her Feet
by Beth6787
Summary: Post 'Endgame'. Kathryn Janeway finds a whole new 'raison d'etre' & Chakotay searches for himself...


Beth6787

January 2018

The Ground Beneath Her Feet

Post 'Endgame'. Kathryn Janeway finds a whole new 'raison d'etre' & Chakotay searches for himself...

The Ready Room doors must have swished closed at least five minutes ago. The realisation came slowly as she registered that she had, at last, moved. If only to bring the mug of now - stone cold - coffee dregs to her lips. The sensation caused a wave of nausea : though whether that was a result of the conversation she had just had with Chakotay or her current 'situation' she was unsure. Though it was irrelevant anyway.

Six days ago, before the Admiral had arrived, all her hopes and dreams for the future had seemed within her grasp. Oh, the circumstances were far from ideal - granted - but there had still been hope that somehow, they, would pull through. And be happy. It was that hope and steadfast belief in 'them' that had given her the strength to make the decision she did...after Quarra.

It had been the Doctor who realised first; an inevitable consequence of the thorough medical that had been necessary for each crew member at the outset of retrieving and re-integrating his or her memories of their true life with their experiences on the planet. He had been hesitant to tell her, knowing that she had yet to bid her final farewell to Jaffen. Afraid that it would cloud her judgement or...she would fall apart if she had already resolved the situation as he had expected her to. There was only one rational course of action : given their situation. Yet she had not taken it.

Even after her full memories had been restored and she was formally cleared to resume her command. And she had not told Jaffen. She couldn't. He had been promoted and his place was on Quarra. It was right for him to stay there but had she told him she very much suspected that he would have felt duty bound to accompany her on their seemingly never ending odyssey through the DQ. Towards a home that was not his with a woman he did not, in truth, know.

So she had bidden him farewell. Put on as brave a face as she could muster and denied her unborn child any chance of ever knowing his father...

So many secrets and so many lies. And not just of her making. She had been forewarned by the Admiral so she thought she had known what was coming. But actually having Chakotay standing in front of her...having THAT conversation. It had brought the whole sorry saga into full focus in the glaring light of day. Any illusions that she had made herself cling to : she had quite literally heard shattering with every word he spoke.

The only tiny consolation...and it was tiny, and now completely insignificant she realised...was that Chakotay seemed to be having trouble believing it himself. He wasn't exactly apologetic, but diffident ...it certainly wasn't delivered as a man in love sharing his happy news with his best friend. Of course, given their complex history, she would expect him to tread warily. But he seemed...disappointed?...resigned? Yes, resigned to his fate seemed the closest she could fathom. She must have spoken some appropriate platitudes on autopilot. She was sure that Captain Janeway would have done so. Kathryn, on the other hand, was still shell shocked. Numb. ...and now very nauseous.

She had the most public disembarkation in Starfleet history to organise followed by several weeks of debriefings no doubt. And she had to somehow hold it all together. For herself and her unborn son. Loathe as she was to concede she needed help, she would stop by sickbay after her duty shift was over. She needed something to settle her stomach and her nerves and besides...she wouldn't be the only one hurting now. Ironically, the Doctor would be the only person on the ship who could begin to empathise : because he was now suffering the loss of his hoped for future too.

She glanced down at the now stale and cold sludge in the bottom of her mug. It was an apt analogy for the end of their journey. Welcome home Kathryn her reflection taunted her.

—

After leaving the Ready Room he had resumed his station on the Bridge. It was apparent to him that Kathryn had been far more affected by his news than he expected, because she had already known. He had strongly suspected the Admiral had filled her in before she left Voyager. Reading between the lines of the conversation that the Admiral had had with Seven - at least from the way she had relayed it - he felt sure. And again, just now, when he had finally breached the subject with the Captain. For it was Captain Janeway who had said all the 'right things'. She wished them well, how it was the perfect timing for them now that he would be free to make any future that he chose back home. All just a little too well rehearsed. The whole conversation had lasted for...five minutes. At the most. Yet, not once, had he seen a glimpse of his friend Kathryn.

And that was what had finally brought him to his senses. She still cared for him. Maybe even loved him. At least until he had started telling his -this - ridiculous lie. For that was what it was. He was lying to himself. But how to get out of the situation just now? Having started this confession he then did his best to play its significance down, without looking callous. Towards Seven and her. If it was nothing, why had he confessed to Kathryn and if it was nothing, what was he doing to Seven's fragile and newly emergent emotions? He was a cast iron twenty fourth century cad : whatever way he chose to dress it up!

He did not recognise this man, reflected back in the view screen, as himself. He was not Chakotay. Or not the Chakotay he had been until very recently. Certainly not the man he wanted to step off that ramp and back onto home soil.

His mind was made up. First he needed to speak to Seven. Now. Then as soon as the Federation and Starfleet formalities were over, he needed to head out. To Dorvan V. To finally return to whatever remnants were left of his roots.

—-

Twenty four days later...

It was finally over. The last of the debriefings, the big celebrations and the crew re-unions with family and friends. Of course, having no family on Earth, had been a blessing under the circumstances. He could concentrate on his job and then he was finally free to go where the four winds took him. Or, more prosaically, to the shuttle port. There was not much left to return to on Dorvan V either, but it would give him some much needed distance. From all that had happened over the last seven and a half years. From the Delta Quadrant. From Voyager. From her.

The last week or so had been the worst. Initially there had been far too much to take care of. The endless meetings and reports, re-settling of the crew. No opportunities arose to so much as pass the time of day with his Captain, yet alone clear the air. Then this least week there had been only the senior crew left. Seven had, thankfully, been disembarked with the non-Bridge officers so there were just himself, Tuvok, Tom, Harry and B'Elanna besides the Captain. B'Elanna, because of her rank as Chief Engineer, was included in this cohort.

So there had been opportunities to socialise, at least in the evenings, between perhaps the closest knit group of friends on the ship. Except that no one had. Tom and B'Elanna, understandably, had their hands full with adjusting to family life with new baby Miral. But Harry was at a loose end without his best buddy for company. Strangely he had suddenly taken a shine to Tuvok. Seeming to spend every spare minute he was not in his quarters playing Kal Toh with him and neither of them appeared to want to include their First Officer in a game or two. And Kathryn was holed up every spare minute of the day with the Doctor ! He knew that B'Elanna had been ordered to transfer the Doctor's program - on a permanent basis - to his holo-emitter and that she had made an exact duplicate which had been left in Voyager's sickbay database. This was supposedly an insurance policy against his program being damaged or irreparably lost once Starfleet's holo-engineers started to 'dissect' him. But he felt he was missing something...

So he had not had a chance to undo the damage with Kathryn. To let her know that he and Seven had - amicably in the end - gone their separate ways. Permanently.

They had ended up standing next to each other for the formal handshakes with the Admiralty before Captain Janeway had turned and shaken his hand with a 'goodbye and good luck' before marching off into the sunset. She hadn't even looked him in the eye. Not once.

Now here he was. Waiting for boarding to be called. He wasn't sure how long he would stay on Dorvan but he was certain that this would be the last time he set foot on Earth.

—-

Not now ! Whoever it was, would just have to wait!

She had been only too pleased when Tom had suggested he spend the night at his parents' house and transport back in the morning. She loved him but sometimes...let's just say entertaining Tom AND Miral ...was more than any new mum could cope with. Especially a volatile, half-Klingon one. He had finally left, after ensuring for the hundredth time that she had his number, his dad's number etc etc ...just in case. She had been the Chief Engineer of a starship stranded on the far side of the galaxy for the last decade...with no back up at all. If she could cope with THAT then one night of peace and quiet with her baby girl would be a doddle. Except Miral had other ideas. The minute her father had left she had started shrieking her objection and still hadn't calmed down. Three hours later : So much for her peaceful night! And now she had a visitor to boot. Great! Just what she needed. Still, if she refused to answer whoever it was may get worried and contact Tom, which would lead to more fuss and...

Alright, she would answer the door and get rid of them as soon as possible. Perhaps a screaming baby in hand would help make the point. "Come on Miral. Let's make some productive use of that temper of yours." With that she opened the door to be presented with the Doctor.

He took one look at the situation and immediately held his hands out for Miral, who, on seeing him, stopped screaming and happily snuggled down in his arms. Gurgling away. Fan-bloody- tastic! Now she would never get rid of him. As if reading her mind, one smug looking Doctor asked "May I come in. I have a rather delicate matter I need to discuss with you as a matter of urgency."

Suddenly B'Elanna felt relieved. So she was needed and still of some use after all. Perhaps it was an engineering matter and she could exercise her grey matter for a few minutes. A welcome reprieve. "Of course Doctor. Where are my manners? Can I offer you a drink?"

"No, thank you Lieutenant, though if you have a fresh diaper to hand..?..." B'Elanna rolled her eyes at her errant daughter. "Are you alone? There is something I need to discuss with you but I would prefer to keep this strictly between the two of us."

Now she was intrigued. "Yes Doctor. Tom's staying with his parents until tomorrow. To give me and Miral some bonding time alone. No, please don't go. You are welcome. Especially as Miral seems to be craving male attention."

After the Doctor had expertly changed Miral's nappy without so much as a grizzle from her he returned the baby to B'Elanna to nurse, then began. "Lieutenant..."

"Doc, we are all friends rather than colleagues now. Please B'Elanna will do just fine."

He looked rather more relieved than she had expected.

"B'Elanna it is. You are aware that Captain Janeway wanted an exact copy of me in the database for Starfleet to play with, without the potential to damage my program. The real me. Hence I now reside permanently in this mobile emitter. .."

She nodded. Of course she knew. Wasn't she the one who had duplicated him and then encrypted his original program in the holo-emitter. So no one could access his files without his knowledge.

"Well B'Elanna. What you don't know is that the copy in Voyager's database has been altered to redact and amend a series of files pertaining to our last three months in the Delta Quadrant. Specifically to alter the medical records of one crew member."

Surely it must be her. She had tried to alter the genome of her own unborn daughter. Perhaps someone, obviously the Captain, had tried to erase that record to protect her reputation and a future Miral's feelings. "So who altered the files Doctor."

He shifted uncomfortably. "Kathryn Janeway."

So she had guessed correctly. "And has the Captain's amending the database caused some glitches in your own files? The original you inside the holo-emitter?"

"No. No. Nothing like that. She has redacted her own medical record so that Starfleet will be unaware of her current 'status'."

Now B'Elanna was lost. Why would she alter her own medical record? "Sorry Doctor. I'm not following. I thought you were going to tell me that she had deleted some of the more dubious activities I got up to whilst pregnant..."

"Yes, Lieutenant. She has. But that was quite a while ago. Although, ironically, the situation has some similarities..." he could see that she was getting impatient and `Miral was starting to wriggle. He had better cut to the chase. "I am breaching patient confidentiality by telling you this and it must go no further...but you may well have found out in the future should you have to undertake any detailed diagnostics of my portable emitter over time and..."

"Doctor !"

"She's four months pregnant. Kathryn Janeway came back from Quarra and when I examined her before re-integrating her original memories ..." he stopped for a moment. B'Elanna looked stunned and very worried.

"Who else knows?"

"No one. Just myself and well, Admiral Paris. The Captain wanted to take a couple of years sabbatical before continuing her career and the only way she could get the Admiralty to back off was to tell him."

Now it was all fitting into place. Kathryn suddenly going completely off the radar. Apparently back somewhere in Indiana but no one was sure where. Uncontactable. There had been a short hubbub from the Brass and fellow Voyagers but it had been Tom's father that had put an abrupt lid on things. All she could think of was Chakotay. He would want to know. To be there for her. He never would have left for Dorvan had he known. She was sure of that. "So Doctor, why are you telling me this now?"

"I was hoping that you could tell me the whereabouts of Commander Chakotay. I thought he had transported out to Dorvan V but the colony has no record of his arrival there."

B'Elanna shook her head. "Sorry, I know Chakotay was due to fly out four days ago. He should have been on this morning's shuttle arriving at Tholos City. He told me he was intending to be incommunicado for a while so I doubt he has a communicator with him. Doctor, why do I sense this is urgent?"

"Because Kathryn has been having complications with her pregnancy. It is the first Human/Norvalen hybrid baby so this is a complete unknown. She's recently distanced herself, even from Owen Paris, and I was hoping.."

"That Chakotay could get through to her. She still loves him doesn't she?"

"Yes. I would say, more so than ever. And this is the first time in almost eight years that she has not had access to his support. Just when she needs it the most."

Her mind was made up. "Well Doctor. I may be a poor substitute for the Commander but I am her closest female friend and I think I can still remember what it's like to be pregnant and feel all alone." She looked meaningfully at him. "Take me to her."

With that she got up and quickly packed an overnight bag, leaving a message for Tom that she and Miral were visiting an old friend with the Doctor. So not to worry, they had the best medical care immediately to hand should they need it. She and the baby would be back tomorrow and she would catch up with him then.

She very much hoped that Tom's father would see her message and read between the lines.

—

Kathryn gritted her teeth. There it was again. The fourth spasm in an hour. She did not know whether it was a contraction or not, never having experienced pregnancy before. The Doctor had told her that he had no knowledge of how long this hybrid pregnancy should last but - judging by the size of the foetus - and the conception date he thought it would be very similar to a fully human one. Nine months give or take a week or two. So at eighteen weeks gestation she was still a long way off. And surely it was also far too early for Braxton Hicks too?

She hauled herself over to the rocking chair and eased herself down. Trying to get comfortable. It was no doubt, her own fault. She had spent nearly all day outside. In the vegetable garden to be exact. She had taken over renting this cottage three weeks ago. When Mr. Squires old mother had had to move in with him. No longer being able to cope with the practicalities of living alone at one hundred and nine years old. The place was ideal for her. Forty two kilometres from the Janeway homestead. Near enough that she had access to her mother but simultaneously far enough away to be left in peace on a day to day basis.

So far, it had worked out. She had been to visit her mother for a few days after disembarkation. But it had been a challenge to conceal her condition. She had still been in the tail end of the morning sickness phase but had managed not to be caught 'in the act' as it were. Although her mother had inevitably noticed she was not eating much. She had blamed that on the sudden change of diet and being planet side after eight years of mostly re-cycled air and Delta Quadrant cuisine. When her mother had still seemed suspicious she had hinted at being upset over her loss of contact with Chakotay.

Of course, she had played it right down. The last thing she wanted was her mother pitying her and taking it upon herself to beg Chakotay to call. Or worse visit. But it was the prompt she needed to get her own place. Citing a desire for anonymity and time to re-adjust she had taken this cottage as soon as she had heard through the Bloomington grapevine about old Edith needing to let it out. Edith and her late husband had been friends of her paternal grandparents so they went a long way back with the Janeways. She would be safe here until...

Another twinge caused her to gasp and lose her train of thought for a moment. She turned in her seat and re-adjusted her cushions. Nothing seemed to help much. Until...she knew the Doctor and Owen could not keep her condition secret for much longer. In fact, if these 'contractions' didn't ease off soon, she would have to call him out.

But she so wanted to feel settled. Organised. She laughed at herself. It must be the nesting instinct kicking in early old girl, she thought ruefully. And I am an old girl. Especially for a primigravida. Forty five. Forty six years old by the time the baby arrives, assuming this pregnancy survives another five months intact... If only she wasn't alone. If life had turned out as she had started to dream that it would. But that was exactly what it had been. A dream. Confirmed by what she had seen at the shuttle port a week ago. Time to focus on the only family she had left, the new life growing inside of her.

She sighed and stood up, preparing to head over to the kitchen sink for some water. And then it happened. She doubled over with the pain and felt a trickle of fluid dripping down the inside of both thighs. There was no way she could reach her communicator from here. She would just have to wait for the wave of pain to pass...

—-

B'Elanna and the Doc had just beamed up to the bottom of the garden path when they heard her. The Doctor was already sprinting for the front door with B'Elanna doing her best to keep up, Miral in hand. When he got there the door was locked and she was not answering. B'Elanna handed Miral over to the Doc and kicked at the door with her full strength. It was enough to break it open.

By the time she had regained her breath and looked up, Miral was safely lying on the armchair and the Doctor had Kathryn on the floor with a cushion under her head. "B'Elanna. Her waters have broken but it's much too soon. I need to stem the flow and stabilise her uterus. And I need Mr. Paris's assistance. Call Tom and get him to beam over here now with the following..."

He gave B'Elanna a list of medical supplies and she was soon relaying this to Owen's house. Tom was in shock. None of them had had any idea and to think they had just left her to her own devices. He felt awful and said as much to Owen and Julia as he was preparing to beam out. It was only his parents prolonged silence that eventually drew his attention. One look at his father's face and he knew. So dad had known all along. So that explained the sudden complete shut down of any mention of the Captain. Where she was or what she was doing. Tom was so angry. Trust his father to try and keep such tight control of the situation. As always. He should have known that Kathryn would need her friends. Particularly himself and B'Elanna. They were new parents too and could have supported her. Now he was going to an emergency situation that could well spell the end for any chance of a family for Kathryn Janeway. He didn't like what he was hearing from the Doc and the expression on B'Elanna's face told him all he needed to know about the gravity of the situation.

"We'll talk about this when I get back. And Dad, see whether you can locate Commander Chakotay. Do NOT tell him what's happening. Just find out where he is for me. Can you do that at least?!"

Owen could see from the expression on his son's face that all the hard work he had put into re-connecting and rebuilding their relationship was about to unravel unless he complied. He nodded. "You know I couldn't tell you son. Katie was adamant that no one be told. At least she came to me so I could do what I was able to help her. At the time."

Tom knew he was being unfair but he was just so worried. He nodded "We'll talk later. I've got an emergency to deal with now. Doc I'm ready to transport."

And with that he dematerialised.

—

Five days earlier...

Chakotay had checked his luggage into the hold and had half an hour before his shuttle departed. Time for a last refreshment stop and perhaps try and leave a message for Kathryn. He wanted to let her know that he hoped they could rebuild their friendship, eventually. That he and Seven were ancient history, although it had never really begun. Not in any meaningful sense. He was queuing for tea and toast when he was suddenly tapped on the shoulder. Seven?! What on Earth was she doing here...and now?

"Seven, what a surprise! Are you about to catch a transport somewhere too?" With this he desperately hoped she would not be joining his shuttle. They were stopping off at Bajor on route to DorvanV but he could not imagine that she would have any business there.

"No Commander...Chakotay. I found out that you were leaving Earth today and I just wanted to say goodbye...to wish you well on your travels. To make sure that we are still...friends?"

He felt rotten once again. He had shut down their fledgling romance, as soon as they had entered the Sol sector and only minutes after talking to Kathryn. Without really giving her much explanation. No wonder she was confused. He saw no reason for any further unkindness.

"Of course we are still friends. It was very considerate of you to come and see me off. I have half an hour before I need to board. Perhaps you would join me for some brief refreshments?" He smiled at her.

"Thank you. I would like that. Shall I find us a table?"

He nodded "I'll bring the refreshments over. What would you like?"

Five minutes later he arrived at the table and served up. They soon got chatting, Seven filling him in on any news she had heard of their fellow Voyagers. The time flew by and they were still chatting when the announcement to board was made. Getting up to leave and doubting that he would ever be back, or see Seven again, he leaned in to hug her goodbye.

Kathryn Janeway had seen enough. She had made it here about fifteen minutes ago - thinking she was too late - then being relieved to see from the board that embarkation was just about to begin. Looking around frantically for Chakotay she had finally caught sight of him in the coffee bar adjacent to the gate. He had a tray in hand and was looking for a table. She was just about to call out to him when Seven had stood and waved to catch his attention. So they were still together and leaving for Dorvan V. What a fool she was. Thank goodness he had not seen her.

She turned quickly and made her way back towards the exit with her scarf pulled up to cover as much of her face as possible. She did not want to be recognised now of all times, with bloodshot eyes and a swollen face from the tears she could no longer contain.

—

His mind was made up. After three days on the old freight ship, latterly converted to carry humanoid passengers, he was more than ready for a few days on terra firma. His final encounter with Seven had been bothering him. Firstly, there were far too many people who now knew he was headed for Dorvan. The whole point of this trip was some 'down time' to reconnect with himself and to try and clear his mind enough to make plans for the future. He no longer felt that he could do that on Dorvan V. Certainly not in the immediate future. Secondly, due to his surprise encounter with Seven, he had not had time to leave a goodbye message for Kathryn. She had no doubt been told by now that he had headed for Dorvan and would think that he had snubbed her. So the situation was even worse than it had been during the final days of the de-briefing. All in all, he needed to blend into the background for a while. Bajor would provide him with that anonymity. He also still had a few contacts there that he could look up if he needed to call in a favour...

The decision made he disembarked at the stopover and headed into Ashalla, the capital city of Bajor Major.

—-

By the time Tom materialised in Kathryn's living room the others had migrated to the bathroom. As he popped his head around the doorway he saw Kathryn submerged in the warm bath water and B'Elanna by her side, holding her hand and encouraging her to breathe slowly and relax. The Doctor looked up and indicated for Tom to head back into the living room where he would join him shortly.

A couple of minutes later the Doc came and sat next to him on the sofa. "Good news Mr. Paris. I've managed to stabilise both Kathryn and the baby's vital signs. There will be no need for an emergency delivery tonight."

Tom exhaled and slumped back into the cushions behind him. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this relieved. Actually he could. When he had found out that the Doc had managed to undo all the harm that a distraught B'Elanna had been about to inflict on their unborn daughter. He cared for Kathryn and her baby almost as much. He looked at the Doc "So how stable is she? Surely we can't leave her living here...alone?"

The Doctor sighed. "I wouldn't recommend it but you know what she's like. I tried suggesting she may want to consider staying with her mother at the Janeway homestead but..." he gave Tom a very knowing look "you can imagine how that was received! Suffice to say I daren't labour the point for fear of triggering another 'incident' such as we saw tonight. Basically she went into premature labour brought on by a combination of excessive physical exertion and profound emotional distress. The latter no doubt caused by the tragic state of affairs - or should that be non-affairs - between herself and the Commander."

"Don't worry Doc. I've asked my father, discreetly of course, to track down Chakotay. He obviously has no idea. If he did I'm sure that he would never have left and once he finds out he ..."

"He's not to find out Mr. Paris. And certainly not from you. I promised Kathryn that I would not breach her confidence. Unless and until she decides to notify the crew of her condition it stays between us." The Doctor grabbed him by the shoulder to emphasise the point.

Tom was about to try and argue when B'Elanna appeared from the bathroom. "Doctor, Kathryn is ready to get out and back to bed. Perhaps you could assist her?"

"Of course. I'll call you if I need you Mr. Paris ." And with that he disappeared around the doorway.

B'Elanna looked pointedly at her husband. "I heard what the Doctor said to you but the situation is far worse than we thought. It doesn't matter whether your father finds Chakotay or not. She won't see him."

Tom was confused "I know things were tense when they parted ways last month but Chakotay gave up Seven well before the briefings were over. It's a simple misunderstanding. Once Kathryn knows..."

"But that's just it. Apparently she decided to break the ice herself. Kathryn found out that Chakotay was leaving from San Francisco space port for Dorvan V last Wednesday so she decided to catch him at Departures and smooth things over. So at least they would be on friendly terms before he left. When she got there she spotted him in the coffee shop next to the Departure Gate and was just about to call out to him when she saw Seven sitting at the table waiting for him. Apparently they were chatting happily before leaving and then they hugged. It was obvious they were still together and heading off planet. So she left before either of them discovered she was there. She told us in there" B'Elanna pointed to the bathroom "whilst we were waiting for you to beam in. The Doc thinks it was the additional shock and pain of that encounter that caused today's crisis. Could you imagine the upset if Chakotay was to refuse to come see her, or worse, came and brought Seven along?"

Tom was now sure there had been some serious crossed wires. "No 'Lanna. He's not with Seven. I know that Seven went to see him off. Harry told me. She had wanted to clear the air with Chakotay and Harry had told her about his leaving for Dorvan. So Seven must have gone to talk to him to say her goodbyes and make sure they were still on friendly terms. It's just incredibly bad luck that Kathryn had the same idea."

B'Elanna didn't even have to think about it. She was going to sort this out. Once and for all. "Okay flyboy. This is what we are going to do. You and the Doc are going to take it in turns to keep an eye on Kathryn to make sure nothing like this happens again. As soon as your dad has tracked down where exactly Chakotay is, then Miral and I are going to take a short trip out to the Dorvan sector. A certain P'Tak knuckle headed imbecile of a friend of mine needs a good talking to. And I'm going to ensure he gets it!"

Tom grinned. If anyone could sort Chakotay and Kathryn out it was his feisty and fiercely loyal wife. Though he was going to miss having her and Miral around. "I know there is no point in trying to talk you out of this so...just make sure you get back here soon. With the great oaf in tow. Suitably contrite and prepared to do whatever it takes to make it up to the Captain."

B'Elanna had that look in her eye. The one that could quench the fires of Stovokor itself. "Oh I will flyboy. Depend on it."

—-

Six weeks later...

Only another couple of hours and they could disembark. After four days on the crowded old tub with a three month old baby in tow, she had had more than enough. At least they could disembark at Bajor and not have to lug all the way out to the Dorvan system.

It had taken Owen Paris a good few weeks to locate Chakotay, even with the considerable resources of Starfleet Intelligence to back him up. But she had not been surprised. If he wanted to remain off the radar, Chakotay was one of the few people in the known galaxy that would be able to do so. You didn't get to be such a successful Maquis Captain as he had been without learning a trick or two about subterfuge. So he was now in Darfur Province using the assumed name of Juan Yoshak. Yoshak had been one of their crew who had died on the Val Jean when they had first encountered the Caretaker's displacement wave all those years ago. He had come from the Dorvan system too but had no family alive at all. Even back then. So no one would query it and no one would be interested in him. The perfect cover for Chakotay. Yoshak was a nonentity, Chakotay was the infamous First Officer of the celebrity crew of the miracle ship U.S.S. Voyager. He could no more move around in Federation space incognito than Kathryn Janeway.

As they docked she already had Miral in her carry sling and her bags over her shoulder. She would stay in Ashalla and put out a few feelers. Her face was pretty well known too. A few of her fellow passengers had recognised her but promised to keep quiet when she pleaded for sympathy. Saying she was here to visit a sick friend and didn't want to draw a media circus around her. They had promised to keep quiet but she had seen the excited gossip spreading around the shuttle when they thought she wasn't looking. The word would inevitably get out. Eventually to Chakotay who would come and find her. At least she hoped so. And soon. She was really missing Tom and it was hard work parenting Miral alone. Not to mention the sooner they got back to Kathryn the better...

—

As she recycled yet another blouse that refused to button up over her growing abdomen she had to admit that it was now time to break her silence. The last three months or so she had avoided seeing anyone, except the Doctor & Tom, in person. Of course, talking over the vidComm , she could make sure only her head and shoulders were in view. But she could hardly introduce her baby son to her unsuspecting family and friends as a fait accompli. She was now twenty six weeks and entering her third trimester. Not only did it show but she could feel him, almost on a minute by minute basis. If he was not kicking or wriggling about his shear size and weight was affecting her centre of gravity. She was noticeably tilting her hips forward and shoulders back to be able to stand or walk for any length of time. And her chest seemed to be twice it's normal size already. Her breasts were tender and she could feel the pull on her decollage if she did not wear a maternity support bra. She had yet to start leaking milk but that was likely any day now.

Finally dressed in her XL sized stretchy leggings and baggy jumper she headed out to the back garden. Over the last two months the tiny shoots had matured into fully sized runner bean and tomato plants. The lettuces were thriving in the shade beside the brook and it was obvious there would be a good crop of new potatoes any day now. She was proud of what she had achieved. Oh, she had been very careful not to overdo things and she was very relieved that she had had no further 'contractions' or fluid leaks. Whether that be spotting or her waters breaking. Her son was making himself content with giving her the odd dig in the ribs or twinge in her lower back if she bent over rather than squatted down for too long.

It was late August and it was hot. Almost midday so time to sit in the shade on the verandah with a cool glass of lemonade. She laughed as she suddenly remembered New Earth and Chakotay saying that he wished he had known that the best way to cure her of her coffee addiction was to have her working the land in the blazing sunshine. During their last few weeks there - after the storm - she had all but given up coffee. Swapping it for Chakotay's home made lemonade. Chakotay, she still missed him so. She tried to picture him on Dorvan. He would be working the land, carving, re-building. She wondered what on earth Seven would be doing there with him. She would be so out of place... in fact, the last thing she wanted to do was associate Chakotay and Seven together in her mind.

More than once she had cursed the Admiral. Mostly in the small hours of the morning when she couldn't sleep or else she had slept and then dreamt of Chakotay with... As things had worked out it would have been so much better to have never known. Losing Chakotay to what was left of his people and his home colony...it would have hurt but she could have coped with that. After all, why would he want to raise Jaffen's son with her? Had he gone home to make a new life, a new start with a young woman from amongst his tribe and the chance of a family of his own. That she could cope with : but...he had chosen a young woman from 'their' world. The world of one hundred and thirty eight remaining souls on that ship traversing the distant stars. Voyager. She had lost him to one of her own. It was that she could not bring her heart to accept.

So much for her happy reminiscences! Time to get up and move about before her ankles were as swollen as her waistline. Perhaps either the Doctor or Tom would bring her news of Miral this evening. B'Elanna had been on Kronos for a long time. Tom had said that she had gone there with her father, as part of their reconnecting and accepting her Klingon side and she had wanted to introduce Miral to her heritage at an early age. Still it was odd that Tom had not accompanied her and he certainly was uncomfortable talking about it. She did hope that they were not having problems with their marriage already. She knew that a new baby took a lot of adjusting to. She was about to find out herself. All things considered, perhaps it was as well she would be a lone parent. The baby would be more than enough for her to focus on.

With that she waddled over to the standpipe and filled the watering can.

— —

It was nineteen days before Chakotay found her. She had been just about to concede defeat and get the next shuttle back to Earth. In fact, she had been booked on one the day after tomorrow. It was unfair to both Miral and Tom to keep them apart any longer and Chakotay sure didn't seem to want to be found. She had made it known she was looking for an old friend, although she did not say he was a fellow Voyager. She did not want to risk that, knowing that Chakotay had gone to so much trouble to make himself anonymous. But she had asked around amongst her former Maquis contacts that were still in the Bajoran sector. And she was sure that Lyle and Franx were lying to her. Lyle would not admit to having seen or heard anything of Chakotay but Franx came back later and told her he thought that Chakotay had stopped off in Ashalla from that Dorvan shuttle a couple of months back. She felt a bit guilty about implying that Miral might be a product of her 'acquaintance' with Chakotay but the ploy had worked. That was all that mattered. Once word got through to Chakotay that one of his 'lady friends' - with infant in tow - was in town asking questions : he was bound to come looking. He was an honourable man and would want to clear his name. Though goodness knows what he would say when he discovered her and Miral !

Sure enough she heard him behind her before he had a chance to register who she was. "Look lady, I don't know what you think you are playing at but..."

She couldn't resist "You took your time P'Tak . Have a guilty conscience do we?" The next thing she knew her bar stool was swung violently around. "B'Elanna what the hell are you doing here? And with Miral?! Are you crazy. An Astallan back street bar is no place for a newborn baby. Nor for you."

"I seem to remember dragging you out of far worse cesspits than this over the years, old man. I'll survive, though I was beginning to wonder whether you'd ever show. I had to go to some pretty extreme lengths to flush you out."

"So I hear. My reputation is now mud around these parts. Just as well I've borrowed the identity of a long dead buddy. Otherwise my days would now be sorely numbered. So, apart from blowing my cover, what brings you here?"

B'Elanna looked around her and saw they were attracting quite a bit of attention. "Sorry old man but there's no alternative" she whispered in his ear before standing and slapping him hard across the face. "Scum! You would deny your own flesh and blood and leave us to fend for ourselves?" With that she spat at him and marched out. Chakotay looked around and took in the scene. Time to play along... "Wait! We need to talk...I can offer you money for safe passage home..."

The men in the bar started to laugh and jeer. They had seen this sorry story play out a thousand times before. Usually over some half-Cardassian bastard baby. Their curiosity assuaged they returned to their beers and eyeing up the young waitresses.

B'Elanna led them back to her room in the motel. It was in a dingy part of the city and came cheap. One of those joints where no one asked questions and anyone with any money or influence would not be found dead. So no chance of being recognised as decorated Starfleet heroes.

Once she was sure that the door was secure and they couldn't be overheard she got down to business. "I'm here about Kathryn. She needs you. It's time to come home."

Well this was a turn up for the books. He had sent her a short message of apology and reconciliation shortly after arriving here but that had been weeks ago. There had been no reply so he had reluctantly accepted that she did not want to know. He relayed all this to B'Elanna.

She could not believe it. Men! They sure could be dumb at times ! "So what...you just gave up?! Did it occur to you that she may never have received your message?"

"Lanna. I sent it directly to HQ. She must have received it. She just doesn't want to know. I can't blame her. She must still be hurting over the whole Seven debacle. But I've burned the last of my bridges with her. I have to accept that and try to move on. In fact, I'm shipping out for Dorvan V next week. It's a one way ticket."

"Is that what you truly want Chakotay? "

"Of course not! But there is no going back."

"What if I told you that you could have it all. Everything you ever wanted is waiting for you on Earth. Kathryn and the possibility of a family of your own."

He looked at her with incredulity "You think she would welcome me back? With open arms? Just like that! And what...we suddenly start a family of our own. At our age? You are living in a fantasy world 'Lanna. We are no longer young and idealistic like you and Tom. There can be no happy ending for us."

That was it. She was going to lay it on the line for him. "You have no idea what any of us have endured these last months. Let me tell you just what Kathryn has been going through. It all started to unravel when she got back to Voyager from Quarra..."

"Quarra?" Suddenly he felt his blood running cold. That niggling feeling he had had during debriefings that something was wrong...that Kathryn wasn't telling him something...

She could see the old Chakotay re-surfacing from whatever dark prison had been hiding his soul. He spoke softly and she knew she had his full attention now. "Please 'Lanna, tell me everything I've missed."

And she did.

—-

The Doc was just finishing packing up. "Well it's good news. At twenty eight weeks the baby is thriving. I have to admit that he has grown faster this last fortnight so I may have been wrong in my initial estimation of your due date. I would expect this baby to reach sufficient maturity for labour to begin at around thirty two weeks if he continues to grow at this pace. It is time to start considering your birth plan seriously. I know, I know. You want me to deliver him here with just your mother and Tom in attendance to assist. But this isn't a standard birth. The baby is half Norvalen which, as you well know, is a Delta Quadrant species. The first of his kind. We do not know what to expect for sure. Hopefully labour and birth will progress as it would for a completely human baby. But there is just no way of knowing and if anything were to go wrong..."

"Then you can arrange an emergency beam out to Starfleet Medical as a standby. But only if we need it. Doctor, at my age this will be the only child I ever give birth to. I want the chance to do that naturally. In my own home surrounded by those I love."

"But you live here alone. It's not as though you will have a partner to look after you both in the vital first few weeks ahead. I know your mother only lives fifty kilometres away and your friends can beam over but it's not the same..."

She was just about to try and placate him again when a voice chipped in from the doorway "I'll be here for her. Twenty four seven. That's if you would do me the honour of allowing me to fulfil my promise to you Kathryn."

She froze. She had longed for him to come to her for so long but now that he had...she didn't know what to think. He had abandoned her when she needed him most. She had heard nothing for months...and Seven? Perhaps she had finally bored of him so he was now at a loose end. Forcing herself to look round she stared him down. "Long time, no see Chakotay. What suddenly brings you to my door?"

The Doctor looked worried. The last thing she needed was sudden stress at this stage in her pregnancy. Perhaps he should usher Chakotay out and give Kathryn some breathing space.

B'Elanna had seen it all since Chakotay's rather blundering entrance. She just could not stride as quickly as him. Especially with Miral to look after. Ever since she had filled him in, all he had wanted to do was get to Kathryn. As quickly as was humanly possible. Actually a lot faster than that. If only they had had a handy transwarp hub near the Bajoran sector. As it was the shuttle had taken eight days. Eight days of Chakotay pacing about like a crazed caged animal. And now he was about to blow it by blundering in like a bull in a china shop!

She barged through and grabbed the Doc. "Time to make a house call to the Torres-Parises. I'm sure Miral needs checking over after our recent adventures. And so does her exhausted mother. Chakotay, make yourself useful and go get us all some refreshments."

With the men frogmarched out of the room B'Elanna went and put her arm around her shell shocked friend. "Come and sit down Kathryn. I have a rather long winded confession to make whilst we have a few minutes to ourselves." She could see the anxious look in Kathryn's eyes. "Don't worry, I've made it clear to both of them that they are to stay out in the kitchen until I come and route them out. Besides, Miral will keep them busy for us."

At that, Kathryn at last began to smile. "Seriously. I know he's been a complete P'Tak. He knows it too and he's been out of his mind with worry ever since I tracked him down ten days ago. It's a long story but there have been a lot of misunderstandings since the day he rescued you from Quarra. Please just hear me out. I'm convinced he is as much in love with you as he was back then. More so. If that's even humanly possible. I've just spent eight days on an antiquated freight tug with him literally climbing the walls."

And so they talked for over an hour before Chakotay was allowed in. But by then, Kathryn was at least receptive to hearing him out. Besides she had a lot she wanted to get off her chest too.

—-

At last they were alone. Just the two of them. Kathryn propped up on the sofa with her feet up, half reclining. She was now so big that it was impossible to get comfortable for more than a few minutes.

Chakotay came and sat on the floor by her shoulders so that his face would be at the same height as hers. She was strikingly beautiful in this late stage of pregnancy. Her hair glowed and she had filled out all over as her body had stocked up on nutrients as it undertook the task of creating a whole new life. Her eyes shone a bright aquamarine and her cheeks were flushed with all the fresh air and sunshine she had enjoyed these last few months. He wanted nothing more than to be a part of her future. In whatever capacity her heart would allow. He had so much to make up for.

Where to begin? So he said what was in his heart " Kathryn. There are no adequate words of apology so I offer none. Just know that I have never stopped loving you. Not for a moment. I never will. Do you remember when we first encountered Borg space and you were doubting whether we should risk pushing on to home? You told me that you had no other captains to advise you. That you believed you were alone?"

She nodded. She couldn't bring herself to speak but she was struggling to stop the tears from welling up. And failing.

"I told you that you were not alone. That when crunch time came we would make the important life and death decisions together? And we would make the right ones? Well I have failed you these past months. I have made the wrong ones : alone. Please give me the chance to turn things around?"

She regarded him with a depth of sadness he had not seen before, worse even than her despair in that Void. "And do you remember my reply on that day ? I said - and I quote - the memory is burned into my heart . Three years ago I didn't even know your name. Today : I can't imagine a day without you. And it was true. I had no concept of what it would be like to lose you. But now? Oh Chakotay, these past months I have had so many days alone. Except for this little one." She rested her hand over her belly. "I wanted...no needed... so much to tell you. I was going to. Over that lunch, trying out Chell's new menu. But you took a rain check. You had other plans..." she couldn't go on as she felt her voice cracking.

He rested his hand on top of hers "when I had made lunch plans with Seven..." he spoke softly. Hating himself for being so blind. "You must have been only four or five weeks pregnant at the time?"

"Four weeks and three days to be exact. Yes. I could time it to the day. Jaffen and I...Well we hardly had time to establish a full relationship. We only ever...once. ..." at that point the baby kicked as if to emphasise the point. "I didn't have a clue until the Doctor carried out the full physicals before starting to restore our true memories."

He felt sick. "Then you already knew before you said your goodbyes to Jaffen?"

She felt herself shaking at the painful memories "Yes..." It was barely more than a whisper. "But I never told him. I couldn't. It wouldn't have been fair...he would have felt obliged to offer to stay on board and our relationship was a fantasy. No more real than that with the Michael Sullivan hologram. Jaffen only knew a facsimile of me with a completely altered backstory. Still I was wilfully separating this little one from his father...forever. I felt so guilty and I.." she looked at him through her tears.

"And you needed me. You needed your friend to talk to and I wasn't there for you."

She took his hand and squeezed it. "Yes and no. Yes, I needed to talk to you. Very much. But I needed the man I truly loved. You have been much more than a friend to me for a long time now. Ever since New Earth. I..." rubbing her bump she corrected herself "we...needed you. We still do..."

"Oh Kathryn..." he learnt across and wiped the tears from her face "if I could go back in time and undo all those mistakes I have made : I would. In an instant. What I can do is vow to you that I will never make them again. Not as long as we both live. I love you. Both of you. And I want a future together for us, a family of three. Nothing would make me happier."

—-

It had gone quiet for quite some time. Tom had beamed into the kitchen and been ecstatic to be re-united with his wife and daughter and, whilst Tom was a fussing over Miral, B'Elanna filled him and the Doctor in on her adventures on Bajor.

"So.." she summed up "having explained as best I could to Kathryn, and making sure she was up to facing him, I let the great blundering love struck oaf in there. To try and save their relationship."

"Well it's about time. Let's hope the sound of silence is a good omen. So who's drawn the short straw and is going in there first?" The Doc glanced between B'Elanna & Tom. They young couple looked at each other and it was decided. This was woman's territory...

She looked around the doorway and Kathryn was fast asleep, breathing deeply. Chakotay was still sat, curled up on the floor by her shoulder. He was just sitting there, gazing at her, almost in a trance. She crept up to him softly, so as not to awaken Kathryn "How did it go, old man?"

With tears in his eyes he wrapped his arms around his best friend and hugged her tightly. "I can never repay you for what you have done 'Lanna. If you had not tracked me down..." he reached one arm out to lay his hand gently on Kathryn's bump "I would have lost ...all this... . It was touch and go there for a while. I had hurt her : badly. Far more so than I realised at the time. Now knowing what she has endured these past months...what I wouldn't give to go back to that time on Quarra, and change everything that followed."

B'Elanna was worried. It still sounded very much up in the air "So what happened. Did she fall asleep from exhaustion or will she want to see you there when she awakes?"

Before Chakotay had the chance to say a word, Kathryn covered his hand on her belly with her own.

—-

Four weeks later...

They both collapsed in a heap. Covered in wood shavings and sawdust, not to mention the smell of fresh varnish. But it was at last completed to Chakotay's exacting standards. "Remind me never to volunteer to help you assemble anything ever again." This from a thoroughly exhausted and blistered Tom.

Chakotay shook his head "We didn't 'assemble' them Tom. We, or rather I , carved them from scratch. I think we had better relegate you to polishing and sweeping up in future. I'm sure both Miral and baby Charlie will thank me in the long run."

"Not to mention their mothers" B'Elanna stood in the doorway of the workshop surveying the scene. "Thank you so much for making a cot and high chair for Miral too. We owe you one, old man."

"Hey! I deserve some credit. I've been holed up all day in here too."

"Yes, and you've made an excellent job of varnishing and polishing everything Tom. They look lovely. Kathryn will be thrilled."

"How is she?" Chakotay almost dared not tempt fate by asking "resting as the Doc ordered?"

"She is fine and can speak for herself. Isn't that right Charlie?" Kathryn had walked around the side of the barn and peered through the window before heading in the join them all. "Thank you Chakotay, Tom. These are beautiful. Perhaps you would both be kind enough to set them up in Charlie's room for me? B'Elanna, are you up for a short stroll with the children?"

Tom just shrugged at Chakotay and gave him a look to say, let's quit while we are ahead. "Your wish is my command." Chakotay winked at her. "Come on Tom. The sooner we get this lot sited and cleaned up the sooner we can relax over that pub dinner you owe me."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes. She realised a stroll with Kathryn and the babies was the best offer she was going to get this evening. "Can't wait."

Ten minutes later they had both the babies in slings and were strolling along the lane beside the fields. It was early October. The wheat and corn had been harvested and the hay was being bailed. The elms and birches interspersed along the hedgerows had just begun their autumn display. The world was a blaze of gold, bronze, crimson and ochre.

Miral was now four months old and able to sit up unaided. She would likely be trying to crawl by Christmas. And Charlie was three days old, a mini Kathryn in looks. Complete with auburn hair and deep blue eyes, just visible for the few moments he opened them to survey his surroundings every day. In the event, it had been a relatively easy birth and Kathryn had had her wish. He was delivered at home with just the Doctor, Gretchen and Chakotay in attendance. Although she was still tired and a little wobbly on her feet she was determined to make the most of this day.

As they took their first walk together with the children she reflected on how far they had all come. All that they had endured and overcome had brought them full circle. Home & family. That was the ultimate truth and the point of it all. As she glanced down at first Charlie then across at Miral she recognised the simplicity of it all. Soon they would be passing the baton to a new generation. She wondered what adventures awaited them out there.

As if reading her mind, B'Elanna caught Kathryn's arm, indicating that they should stop. They were at the highest point, where the path ran along the ridge and the sun was just setting along the horizon to their right. As it did so, the vast star scape of the Milky Way appeared to blink into existence, one constellation at a time. Soon the heavens were ablaze, as far as the eye could see.

As all four of them raised their eyes to the heavens Kathryn whispered "Thank you 'Lanna. For bringing him home to me."

B'Elanna looked at her former Captain, mentor and now closest female friend. They really had become as sisters. "And thank you for creating a home for us. Out there. Voyager. As long as we have each other we will always be home."

With that they linked arms and headed towards the distant lights of the village tavern and their waiting family.

THE END

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